6th Week :)

So its been a week since the test came out positive. I cheated and still smoked the entire day.. but as soon as the next day came... I made a video for my baby showing myself smoking the last stick and telling them i quit coz of them so they better not smoke a single stick when they grow up.. after that I guess you could say I went cold turkey..

Ive been a pack a day smoker for over a decade now... so you could imagine how quiting suddenly would create such an impact on my system... And the effects of withdrawal on me have been brutal for the first three days.. I was extremely stressed for no reason that pulling my hair felt quite good.. I was crying and crying because of the stress... There was the need to do something all the time to stop thinking about it... I also fought my boyfriend a lot more.. and my friend even called me out on my being too much of a war freak lately... me... little miss ball of sunshine and positive energy has suddenly become the goddess of wrath :p

So to deal with this.. especially the first three days, i limited myself to a quarter of a stick.. a day. Then after that its become... a puff or two per day.. Im... quite amazed that im managing it better now.. I also find that the taste of smoke has started to turn me off as well when it is left hanging around my mouth.. It must be the pregnancy thing thats working to make sure my baby maker would be at its best running condition :p

Speaking of which.. after finding out I was pregnant... there was a time I suddenly doubted if I was pregnant.. I just wasnt feeling anything.. Now Im worried that it might have been a bad test kit.... and it just said i was pregnant when I really am not... If this is the case, I really have to get myself checked because these cramps are still on going. Id hate for it to be an ectopic pregnancy or an ovarian cyst... or.. some std that im gonna kill my boyfriend for passing on to me.. @.@

Anyway... im still waiting for my boyfriend to get back.. 6 days to go :) Already planning ways to break the news to him.. I want it to be a great experience for him to find out... and just focus on the good stuff instead of having him think automatically "your dads going to kill me!!!" :)

The Bloody Truth

Last March 26 2011, I started having menstrual cramps. But to my surprise, the next day came, still cramping every now and then.. but my period hasnt showed up. March 28, still cramping especially at night with no period, I started to worry. After hearing about ovarian problems from a few people, I looked up the symptoms online..

There were some where they said, they had menstrual cramps but no period coming.. their pregnancy tests had come out negative... Although a week later, it came out positive. Basically, it all pointed to Being Pregnant.

It was quite numbing to think I was possibly pregnant. I am not married (and this alone could wreak havoc in a conservative society and family) I currently dont have a job. My credit card bill and a few debts have been hanging over my head. I cant even buy my dogs their own food. I smoke a pack of cigarettes a day (which has been a wonder how I was able to afford these packs when Ive always been on zero cash). I've been a bum for 4 months now and Its just really the worst time to be expecting a baby at this point.

Then came the outpour of signs that I could be pregnant... I snapped back a lot on my boyfriend.. I found myself taking three to four hour naps in the afternoon consistently for 3 days now. And Im not a fan of sleeping at all. I believe its a waste of time. Ive noticed that my not so blessed kisses have grown and they were swollen and firm to the touch. And yes.. my libido has increased. quite significantly if i may say so.. and I tear up more than usual from watching videos or playing scenarios in my head.. and ive been researching day in and day out about pregnancy and babies and things they might need... Which was odd since ive had pregnancy scares before but never really got obsessed about reading about it until now.

By this time I had already spoken to my boyfriend about the possibility of being pregnant... I wanted to take the test but i wanted to wait for him to get back from hong kong on the 20th.. And it was actually weird that I wanted to wait for him because before now, I wouldve just taken it.. but for some reason... I am just too convinced that I could be pregnant for real this time.. that.. I wanted to share such a milestone with him. We discussed how we feel about it.. we both are scared shitless to tell our folks.. but aside from that, we were quite happy about the thought of having a baby together..

Then the thought that Ive been smoking a lot might cause problems for the possible baby.. I decided to take the test... I figured, the earlier I know, the earlier I can stop smoking.. and maybe start eating right and preparing for the little one.

So today.. April 6 2011, around 8 in the morning.. I took the test :)

My first reaction to seeing a faint line forming across the T was...really!? and as soon as it started becoming darker and the second line had showed up... I couldnt help but say.. oh my god... and i was smiling, tickled pink of the results really... until i started thinking about telling my folks.. then thats when the ... "shit" came out :p but i was just too happy that i pushed the thought aside and just stared at the stick for a while wondering if my eyes were playing tricks on me... i even double checked the instructions to see if I got it right :p

I decided to tell my boyfriend on his birthday... which is on the 24th this month. But I really couldnt contain the excitement.. I had to tell someone! My friend Ruby knew about the stuff Ive been going through.. she was the only person I had confided in aside from my boyfriend because not only is she a mom herself but she has also been my friend since we were 8. An hour after finding out.. she sends me a message... "well?" I just couldnt help but flood the chat box with big smileys... and I guess she figured out what it was.. So i was like.. what the heck! ill tell her! There really was no way im keeping this news bottled all to myself for the next 18 days :p

Oh my.. I only hope I dont get the morning sickness.. I really dont want to be vomiting loudly in the house when my family hasnt been told properly yet.. I also want it to be a boy... badly.. But I want it to be a surprise at the same time.. I also want to get an ultrasound first before we tell the folks... hopefully seeing the ultrasound might make things more of a joyful moment of telling them than... a horrible one... *phew!* so many things to plan for.. Quit Smoking, Business Planning (i do need some source of income) Telling the boyfriend... Telling the parents.. Keeping healthy.. and definitely keeping sexy.. my mom has already pointed out that i am gaining weight @.@ ohhhhh dear lord...